Small talk is the English handshake: a short exchange of unimportant remarks whose entire purpose is to establish that both parties are friendly, sane, and not about to sell each other anything. Visitors often mistake it for empty chatter. It is not. It is the qualifying round, and everything else depends on it.
Begin with the weather
The weather is the official opening move, and it works precisely because nobody is responsible for it and nobody can be offended by it. "Lovely day" requires only "Isn't it?" in reply. Note that the exchange is not about meteorology; agreeing is the whole game. Contradicting a weather remark ("actually it is two degrees warmer than yesterday") is technically accurate and socially fatal.
Learn the exchange rate
English conversation runs on understatement, and the visitor needs the exchange rate. "Not bad" means very good. "Quite good" means fair, unless stressed, when it means disappointing. "Interesting" in a meeting frequently means doomed. And when an Englishman says "with the greatest respect", brace yourself, respect is no longer on the table. None of this is dishonesty; it is a national agreement to keep the volume down.
Safe ground and minefields
Safe topics: the weather, the journey ("did you find us all right?"), dogs, gardens, food just eaten or about to be eaten, and sport, provided you hold your opinions loosely. Minefields: how much anything costs, salaries, age, weight, politics, religion, and why someone has no children. "What do you do?" is acceptable at business events and slightly gauche at private ones; the English prefer to work it out slowly, like a crossword.
Compliments, deflected
Pay a compliment and it will be swatted away: "this old thing", "pure luck", "the traffic did most of the work". This is not low self-esteem; it is choreography. The proper response to receiving a compliment is deflection, and the proper response to the deflection is to insist once, gently, and then let the matter rest, both parties satisfied.
Leaving alive
Conversations must be exited politely, and the English have a full set of tools: "Well, I mustn't keep you", which means "I would like to leave"; "Anyway..." accompanied by a slight slap of the knees, which means departure is now inevitable. Deploy one, express pleasure at the encounter, and go. Lingering after an "anyway" is a serious offence.
Small talk can be practised, and it is a standing feature of Eddie's group conversation classes and programmes. The weather remarks are provided free of charge. Send an enquiry to begin.